Epic worrying coming to a Dani near you

My friend Jason is going back to Iraq in August.

The last time he was there I scoured the Associated Press photos every day, hoping he’d be that soldier taking a break sitting on the tank or whatever the guy in the photo was doing, hoping he wasn’t the guy under fire. Whenever there was a story on the Ohio wire about a soldier being injured, or worse, I felt sick to my stomach and held my breath until I saw the name.

I worried worried worried until he came home. I caught the tail end of a clip on the news at dinner one night, and I thought I saw him. I rushed back to work to ask a coworker to find the clip so I could use his earphones to listen, and … I may have sat in the newsroom and cried a little when I saw him.

I told Jason  most of this when we had lunch Wednesday and he was amused. Probably thought I was exaggerating. I can assure you, I am not. I also made him take a picture with me at lunch:

Last time, I didn’t write nearly as often as I should have, and I still feel horribly guilty about it. This time though, I will write, and I will send packages when I can afford it, and this photo will sit on my desk to remind me to be a better friend.

The truth about my weight loss

It’s been a year, give or take, since I started losing weight. I was going to write this post at -40 pounds, but life got in the way. Then I thought I’d wait until -50 pounds, but since we’re at the one-year mark, I’m writing it at -47 pounds.

Below we have me with Jen Lancaster (whose book “Such a Pretty Fat” helped get me motivated to get off my fat ass) in May 2008 and me yesterday at my parents’ house.

I’m not going to lie, it’s been difficult. Very difficult. I’ve fallen off the exercise wagon a few times (quite recently, actually, but I’ve hopped back on), fallen off the healthy food wagon … but nobody’s perfect. I eventually get pissed at myself for being lazy and get back into the swing of things.

Just about everyone I know has been extremely supportive, and even people I only know through the interwebs have been supportive, which has really helped me keep at it. Especially during those times when I get so frustrated because WHY DID MY BOOBS ABANDON SHIP SO QUICKLY AND MY ASS AND THIGHS WON’T GO AWAY?

What’s been really interesting though is trying to make people understand WHY I’m losing weight. Co-workers, friends, even family had their … theories. Incorrect theories. Hurtful, are-you-kidding-me, have-you-ever-fucking-MET-me? theories.

The real reason?

For starters, my back hurt all the time. I couldn’t stand the heat because I overheated way too easily. I got winded very fast playing with the dog. Even the thought of taking a walk made me tired.

And then there was trying to find clothes. I can’t even begin to guess how many times I sat in a dressing room (or on a bench in the middle of a mall) and bawled my eyes out because I couldn’t find an outfit or even a new shirt for some event. And I couldn’t just walk into any store at the mall to look for said non-existent outfit. Most stores’ sizes didn’t go high enough.

Have you ever curled up on the bench in a Wal-Mart dressing room and cried because you couldn’t find a dress, or even slacks and a blouse, that were even the tiniest bit flattering? Like I said, I have. And I got tired of it.

I got tired of all of it. The back pain, not being able to play with the dog for very long, the special clothing stores, the MISERY.

Is that so hard to understand? I don’t think so. But I’m pretty sure there are still people who don’t believe my reasons, and you know what? Fuck ‘em.

I bruise easily

I went to the wedding of a co-worker Saturday night. I don’t dance. Two of my other co-workers decided I needed to get out on the dance floor and physically dragged me from the table. I tried to resist, but they’re much bigger than me, so I lost. Somewhere along the way I hit something (a chair maybe) and ended up with this beauty. *sigh*

Four months later

I was skimming through the blog a few days ago and realized that I never posted the Halloween costumes that I was so tickled about. So here they are.

Jenn & me, Halloween

Jenn and I went as the birds and the bees! We thought we were pretty clever. I still think so! And people got it, so I was happy.

Also, I put a photo of me from my sister’s baby shower on Flickr, but I’m not allowed to post any of her, so … uh, yeah. But I assure you, the rest of the photo is me rubbing her 8 1/2 months pregnant belly.

Um, so … yeah

The posts I had rattling around in my head are no longer relevant, and the only other one I have planned I can’t do until … well, I don’t really know. It just depends on how fast I can do … something. Um, so … yeah. Hey! Look! Over there! Something shiny! *runs away*

Checkin’ in

I have a post rattling around in my head, but it may be a while before it makes it to the blog. Thought I’d better pop in and say hello though, since I haven’t posted in several weeks!

Giggle, snort

Magic Scarf models

Originally uploaded by Dani H.

So, last weekend Jenn and I met Mary Beth in Akron so we could go see “Twilight” together.

The weekend kicked off with Jenn driving to my house, then we went shopping, and Jenn got a tattoo. I did not expect to spend four hours at a tattoo parlor, and neither did she, but we did, and it was kind of interesting.

After that, we went back to the house, Dave picked up a pizza, and we played Harry Potter Scene It? Yes, I won, but I was behind for a while.

Saturday morning Jenn and I headed to Akron. We hung out with my sister for a while, then MB got there so the four of us hung out. Then we quickly checked into the hotel and scooted off to the movie theater.

After the movie, and after I cleared the car of snow, we had dinner at … where the hell did we eat? Applebees maybe. Then I cleared the car again and we went to Wal-Mart. At some point we also went to the grocery store, but honestly, I don’t remember when.

Once back in the hotel room, much drinking, taking photos and listening to music ensued. Jenn gave us each a Magic Scarf, slippers and a couple other things, and I think it’s safe to say that we had a little too much fun with the scarves. I think it’s also safe to say that I was loaded. Lots of laughing, complete with snorting. Oh, we also called Jeff and bothered him for about an hour.

Sunday morning we checked out, had breakfast with Kim & Charles, and then we all headed back home. And no, no hangover. Just an upset stomach from eating too much crap.

And … that’s it. So much fun! I’m thinking we should do it again, like the last weekend in March. Or something like that.

What a day

Me & Super Queer

Originally uploaded by Dani H.

It’s cold. And snowing. A lot. So, what did I do today? After having lunch and shopping for books, I went to an equal rights rally at BGSU with Dave and Joy!

I’ve never attended a rally/protest, but you know what? This is important. It’s absolutely ridiculous that only certain couples are “allowed” to get married, and I am so damn disappointed in California that I don’t even have the words.

So, I went to the Join the Impact event at BG — I know, it’s not a lot, but it’s something. And maybe someday I’ll be able to do more.

That photo there is me with BGSU’s very own gay superhero, Super Queer.

It’s here!

Hooray, my Band From TV CD & DVD arrived today! I knew it wouldn’t take until Monday! I already have it in iTunes, ready for my drive to Marion later. Speaking of which, I need to go buy a sweatshirt and make my costume.

Happy Halloween!

oh, the whiskey

The whiskey, it’s taken control.  We got to the bar early for my coworker’s send-off, and here I am, 7 whiskey & cokes later. I feel the need to tell you this immediately. Why? I’m not sure. Perhaps because, as luck would have it, it’s the happy drunk who emerged tonight, not the angry one. Seriously, lucky for all. Everyone got a good laugh at my expense, I’m sure, but I don’t give a fuck. I needed to cut loose, and apparently this is the night for it.

I would like to state for the record that Dave was encouraging me to drink more. So, if he has to clean up after me, it’s his doing.

I’m trying to remember if I’ve ever drunkenly blogged before. It doesn’t seem like I have, but I could be wrong.

We were going to watch “The Office,” but I think maybe that’s best left for Saturday, along with “House.” Pretty sure none of it would make sense right now.

So, nighty-night!