Seriously Martha, GTFU

Man oh man, do I ever hate that bitch. I was hoping she’d … hmmm methinks I shouldn’t say what I was hoping. But here’s an example of why I hate her:

NEW YORK (AP) — Fighting back tears at times, Martha Stewart told cheering employees on her first day back at work Monday that prison was a life-changing experience that made her realize her company may have been out of touch with ordinary Americans. YA THINK?

Dressed in a chocolate-brown suit and pumps, Stewart addressed her employees from a stage where a simple bouquet of yellow daffodils sat in a glass vase atop a stool. Behind her were giant posters of her magazine’s April cover with a photo of daffodils and a headline appropriate for the day: “Just in time for Spring.”

“I love all of you from the bottom of my heart — I’m really glad to be home,” she said, choking up at the end of her speech. Afterward, she stepped off stage and embraced co-workers one by one. AW, ISN’T SHE WONDERFUL?

Stewart, 63, told the employees that she “learned a great deal about our country” in meeting a cross-section of Americans at the federal women’s prison at Alderson, W.Va. She said that her experience would lead to changes at her homemaking empire that would make it more accessible to ordinary people.

“We’re going to engage and inspire new readers and new viewers for whom these topics may have seemed alien, unfamiliar or even — believe it or not — superficial,” she said. SUPERFICIAL? NO, NEVER! AND SURELY NOT UNATTAINABLE FOR WOMEN WHO HAVE JOBS OTHER THAN SITTING AROUND ALL DAY THINKING OF DOILY DESIGNS!

The company was perhaps too focused on the technical aspects of entertaining and cooking, she said, and not enough on why people need to nurture and take care of each other.

“Starting now, we must communicate not only the how-to that we’ve been so proud of, but also the why,” she told the group gathered at the Manhattan offices of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia, overlooking the Hudson River.

She also held up the gray and white poncho she wore when she left prison Friday. She said it did not come from a fancy store, but was crocheted by a fellow inmate, with yarn from the commissary.

“The night before I left, she handed me this … and said, ‘Wear it in good health,’” Stewart said. “I hope she is reading the news and looking at television because I’m so proud of her.”

The company’s new chief executive and president, Susan Lyne, introduced Stewart to a standing ovation as “your teacher, my inspiration, our founder.” I CAN’T TAKE ANY MORE, I’M GOING TO VOMIT

Yeah, there was more to the article, but I just couldn’t stand it. I hate her and her stupid man hands.

On a lighter note, and seemingly contrary to the above rant, I spent much of the weekend making curtains for the living room and spare room, and for the window at the bottom of the stairs. But you know what? They’re not fancy-schmancy curtains with swags and lace and all that crapola. They’re rectangles of material hemmed around the edges to keep the light and neighbors out. And I’m proud of them, even if they are plain and simple. Wanna see ’em? OK, go here.

Next up, the bedroom and office curtains! And then the world! OK, maybe not.

Oh, one more thing: “Monty Python’s Spamalot” on Broadway. That’s all I have to say.

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