Asstastic


Fall aftermath
Originally uploaded by Dani H.

That’s how I described my Sunday two weeks ago to my sister.

Our house is very asscentric. Mojo likes to show off his, Rusty gets his spanked when he’s bad, Rusty is obsessed with Mojo’s, I am currently obsessed with making normal poop come out of Neville’s (he’s got a diarrhea problem at the moment), Sugar is always looking to kick some, and I asked two friends at work to keep an eye on mine for a few days.

What?

I had a little mishap a couple weeks ago. I was sitting on a stepstool scooping Mojo & Sugar’s litter box, trying to pry a large clump free (what happened is karma for my not having scooped in a few days). I managed to topple myself backwards off the stool, landing on Rusty’s ceramic food dish, which already had a piece broken out of it.

I broke another piece off when I landed on it, which not only hurt but made me mad (imagine that). Obscenities were yelled, and I went back to scooping.

Dave came out to see what happened, so I told him what an idiot I was. He walked around behind me and said, “Uh, you’re bleeding!” I felt the spot, and sure enough, blood — and two little holes in my shorts — were found.

Scooping forgotten I went into the bathroom to check my wound and discovered that it looked like a vampire had latched onto my inner left ass cheek. Nice. (Side note: Do you know how hard it is to check something like that in a mirror? I can tell you: very.)

So I washed my wound (also not easy) and tried to stop the bleeding. Tried being the operative word. I didn’t think it would ever stop! At one point I thought it had stopped, so I rinsed out the washcloth really good, checked the injury, and found blood running down my leg. Also nice.

I started to get worried, and declared that “No way in hell am I getting stitches in my ass today.” Dave came in after the bleeding had slowed down and said it didn’t look like it needed stitches anyway.

I eventually finished the scooping (very carefully) and then it was time to shower for work. Hot water on cuts: Ouch. Body wash on cuts: Ouch. Shampoo on cuts: Ouch.

So, that’s why I had two friends watching my ass. I just wanted a little heads up if the bleeding started again.

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2 Responses to “Asstastic”

  1. Alex Says:

    I hate to laugh at your expense, but HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Is your ass healed now? Did Dave kiss it and make it all better? 😉

  2. Dani Says:

    Laugh away, it’s funny! I wrote about it so that my friends could laugh at me, because I like to make you all laugh. I am healed, and no, Dave didn’t kiss it. I only even let him look at it that one time, because I was so embarrassed!

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