The truth about my weight loss

It’s been a year, give or take, since I started losing weight. I was going to write this post at -40 pounds, but life got in the way. Then I thought I’d wait until -50 pounds, but since we’re at the one-year mark, I’m writing it at -47 pounds.

Below we have me with Jen Lancaster (whose book “Such a Pretty Fat” helped get me motivated to get off my fat ass) in May 2008 and me yesterday at my parents’ house.

I’m not going to lie, it’s been difficult. Very difficult. I’ve fallen off the exercise wagon a few times (quite recently, actually, but I’ve hopped back on), fallen off the healthy food wagon … but nobody’s perfect. I eventually get pissed at myself for being lazy and get back into the swing of things.

Just about everyone I know has been extremely supportive, and even people I only know through the interwebs have been supportive, which has really helped me keep at it. Especially during those times when I get so frustrated because WHY DID MY BOOBS ABANDON SHIP SO QUICKLY AND MY ASS AND THIGHS WON’T GO AWAY?

What’s been really interesting though is trying to make people understand WHY I’m losing weight. Co-workers, friends, even family had their … theories. Incorrect theories. Hurtful, are-you-kidding-me, have-you-ever-fucking-MET-me? theories.

The real reason?

For starters, my back hurt all the time. I couldn’t stand the heat because I overheated way too easily. I got winded very fast playing with the dog. Even the thought of taking a walk made me tired.

And then there was trying to find clothes. I can’t even begin to guess how many times I sat in a dressing room (or on a bench in the middle of a mall) and bawled my eyes out because I couldn’t find an outfit or even a new shirt for some event. And I couldn’t just walk into any store at the mall to look for said non-existent outfit. Most stores’ sizes didn’t go high enough.

Have you ever curled up on the bench in a Wal-Mart dressing room and cried because you couldn’t find a dress, or even slacks and a blouse, that were even the tiniest bit flattering? Like I said, I have. And I got tired of it.

I got tired of all of it. The back pain, not being able to play with the dog for very long, the special clothing stores, the MISERY.

Is that so hard to understand? I don’t think so. But I’m pretty sure there are still people who don’t believe my reasons, and you know what? Fuck ’em.

The agony of success

About three months ago, I set out on a quest. Tired of crying every time I went shopping for clothes — and tired of having to go shopping for bigger clothes — and pissed because losing weight was supposed to have been a new year’s resolution, I threw a fit then threw myself into taking off the pounds.

I got some Hydroxycut Max for women, started jogging on my mini trampoline, cut out soda and junk food and sweets, and demanded that Dave help me by making healthier dinners. I was committed like I’d never been committed before, and it started paying off.

This of course encouraged me to keep going, which is very important in a quest like this. And the great thing was that I had no desire to drink soda or eat all the crap I usually eat. I was craving apples! Awesome! It’s like I’m finally mentally ready to stick with it.

But see, I tend to hit plateaus when trying to lose weight. And then I get mad. And I get really mad when I get my trampolining up to 30-45 minutes and try to cut down on carbs a bit, and I retain water and gain.

But I’m back on the losing side again — minus 15.8 pounds Sunday morning — so I’m not mad anymore. Problem is, I’m impatient, and dammit, this is not going fast enough. So, enter my new pills, Leptitrex. I just started them yesterday, but I have high hopes. From what I read on the Interweb, they’re fat burners, which is what I wanted in the first place, as opposed to promoting water-weight loss like the Hydroxycut.

So where does that agony come in? Well, I currently have no pants that fit properly. I seem to be at an in-between size. I have pants that are too big, pants that are still much too small, and pants that I can squeeze into but it’s way too uncomfortable to actually think about wearing them.

So yay! Smaller size! But boo! Not a real size! I’ve been tearing through old clothes, desperately trying to figure out what the hell I was wearing the last time this size. I can’t figure it out. But maybe, just maybe, I won’t be squeezing uncomfortably into those pants, but just wearing them. Cross you fingers for me.

Dieting grouch

OK, the serious dieting must begin, and the reason is threefold (as was the purpose of Chandler being in the box on Thanksgiving on “Friends,” but I digress).
1. My 10-year high school reunion is this summer. I’d like to look really good, but I’ll settle for decent.
2. We’re going on vacation to the Outer Banks with my in-laws in June. See second sentence of No. 1.
3. I’m just tired of being fat and depressed.

In other news, I think I’m getting sick. I’m pretty sure I’m going to wake up with a full-blown cold, which makes me very unhappy. I keep hoping maybe it’s just my sinuses since it was so nice and warm today after the evilness and cold, but I think it’s just a pipe dream.

In news not related to me whatsoever, Johnny Cochran died, so he is now burning in hell for repeatedly getting murderers and other bad seeds acquitted.

And speaking of people going to hell, I hear Jerry Falwell’s in the hospital again. They say he’s clinically stable but critically ill, so we’ll just have to wait and see.

A new year

Happy 2005, everyone! So much to tell, so little desire to type, but here goes.

Went to Pennsylvania for Christmas, and had a nice visit with the in-laws. Had to leave a day late because of the huge-ass snowstorm the day before we were supposed to leave. The roads were just fine all the way out though, so it turned out OK. Got to see pretty much everyone, bonded a little with my sister-in-law which I really enjoyed, and had an all around good time.

Spent New Year’s Eve with the Stephensons. They made dinner, we took bread dip and games. We ate, drank, played Beyond Balderdash, gorged ourselves on bread dip, drank, and played euchre, all while watching Sci-Fi channel’s Twilight Zone marathon (most of which is our New Year’s tradition – Beyond Balderdash was a new addition). Again, an all around good time.

New Year’s Day – not such a good time. I woke up around noon and thought it was a little chilly downstairs so I turned up the heat. Then I actually looked at the temperature, which was around 60 degrees, and said to myself, “Oh shit.” When the furnace fan refused to kick on after I cranked the thermostat up to like 90, I said to myself, “Oh SHIT!” Then I woke Dave up, and we made lots of phone calls and eventually the furnace go fixed on Wednesday. Yes, Wednesday. That’s about 4 1/2 days without heat. Luckily New Year’s Day wasn’t too cold, and we found our space heater and borrowed a space heater from one of my co-workers. We were able to get the downstairs up to almost 70 each night before we went to bed, and it usually only dropped down to about 60 during the night.

So that takes us up to Jan. 5. On Jan. 7 we found out that Dave’s grandpa, my mother-in-law’s father, had passed away that morning, so we went back out to PA the next Tuesday night for the funeral Wednesday morning in N.J. After sleeping from about 4:30 p.m. Wednesday to about 9:30 a.m. Thursday, we went back to N.J. to see Dave’s grandma, who had been pretty much in a coma for a few months and had Alzheimer’s. She passed away Friday afternoon around 4, which we were there for, having never gone back to my in-laws’ house from the Thursday visit. We left Saturday afternoon and got back Saturday night. It was a pretty rough week, but Dave seems to be doing OK now.

So that pretty much brings us to now. We started doing Weight Watchers, which we didn’t follow while we were in PA/NJ, but we’re back on it. As of right now I’ve lost about five pounds, which isn’t much but it’s encouraging. We were going to go to my parents’ house today to celebrate my mom’s birthday, but since it’s snowing and is supposed to snow a whole big crappy bunch, we pushed it back to next weekend. Maybe I’ll actually be productive today and clean the house and shit, but I kind of doubt it.

I was going to end this with a nasty comment about this being the Roe v. Wade anniversary, but I think all I’m going to say is go thank your mother for giving you life.

Not much to report

Has it really been a week? What a bad seed I am! And nothing exciting has happened, so I have no excuse.

We went down to the Pammer & the Papa’s house Saturday. Watched the tape of the previously mentioned ex-step-cousin on Maury. Lovely.

Also got to see our little Rusty! He’s such a sweet little thing! Dad and mom say it’s all an act, but I don’t believe them. SO wish we could bring him up now!

Those nasty little pounds did leave, and they did take a couple of their friends with them, so I’ll keep pluggin’ along for now. If we go out for Valentine’s Day though, I may have to splurge a little and have some chocolate cake or something.

*BURN UPDATE* It’s cold and has goosebumps.

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Hodgepodge

Damn you Mother Nature! Who do you think you are, covering Findlay in snow? Don’t you know my husband has to get up early and drive to work? The nerve.

Did A1 almost on my own today; I think I’m getting better. You’d have to ask Ted whether I really am or not.

How about a big woo-hoo to “Lord of the Rings” for winning four Golden Globes! Best drama, Peter Jackson won best director, and two musical awards.

How about another big woo-hoo to Cleveland Heights, whose domestic partner registry begins today! I know it’s not legal, and it’s not the first, but still! It could help late on down the line. Take that Bob Taft!

So I lost two pounds, and then I got PMS and they came back. They’re on their way back out though, and they’d damn better take a bunch of their friends with them!!! About 50 of their friends, and then I’d be happy. But just a couple for now would be good.

Sorry, I’m all hopped up for some reason. And I’m having trouble typing, so I’m going away now. I’ve screwed up about every other word so far, and I just can’t take it anymore.

*BURN UPDATE* It hates the snow.

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